i'm like, OMG! my sex life is soooo boring. true as that may be, i won't delve into it. however, i will tend to get more into the journalistic applications of a blogger page. to mock the millions who bitch in online journals about their luck in the world of dating? perhaps i have a little already. there's a special treat at the end of the blog, so stay tuned.
this may have a free-association edge to it. as i usually do, this time i am without shiny nuggets already in my pockets. how many times can i write in an aire of amazement about the untouched environment of northern wisconsin? there are many more daily occurances worthy of the pen in day-to-day life in the metropolis. pretty soon i'll be like, 'oh, yeah, i ate a bowl of bran flakes today and saw a two squirrels mating outside my bathroom window.' on the other hand, many pen-worthy things seem happen when drunk. and there's no shortage of alcohol in wisconsin, nor in my fridge.
let's talk about the casino. i'm up on the casino about $3 since arriving. Lawrence is up at least $90 from putting the blackjack table to shame. it's in a sovereign nation of native americans about a mile up the road from bayfield. wednesday is 'spin the wheel night.' generally one comes out ahead on this day. what the tribe is counting on is a few of you coming back on a thursday. can't argue with the lack of tax on the reservation. $2.50 for a bottle of guinness stout, $1.50 for domestic on tap. cigarettes are legalized insanity too.
let's talk about the weather. 40 shades of gray descended upon this little coastal town. never to fear. i have more than the soundtrack for lying on thine belly and coasting in and out of a doze. let's talk about music. i dug up a tape my close friend cian compiled for me probably 7 years ago. 'a sad tape for a sad guy.' apparently i was having girl-trouble. let's talk about girls. let's refrain.
since leaving the literal confines of ashland behavioral health unit, things couldn't be fabulouser. it's painful to admit that professional detainment righted by occasional temporary insanity, but it has. i can't lay all the credit to them, 90% of which are chumps, chimps, or choads. 10% had substance to their persons, and i've been quoted as such in the height of psychosis. you know who you are. there's also #1. spending 2 months in a hospital for an illness that is similar to contracting 'hit by a bus,' i was in shock. for 7 years after, to some degree, i huddled inward, was avoidant like a cat avoids being thrown in a bathtub. instead of getting a chuckle out of a joke, i became paranoid that it was in some round-about way referring to me. i strived to leave this behind. and i think it made me stronger, though maturity has been creeping in only recently.
chest tube scars which drove me to believe i had been speared by roman soldiers on the cross. glances at chest x-rays that looked like i had been eating containers of food instead of fishing out the contents, which i believed. trying my damndest to convince professionals that i had the same illness as my grandmother, though getting only catch-22 responses. waking up in the middle of the night to the realization that i had no idea if i was 16 or 60 years of age. staring at the blank television screen until something came on. having the ugliness of life and its processes explained to me by horned angels. my word.
this will be the first and last time i get into that mountain of shit. my mother saved pictures of me on the ventilator and skinny as a rod when i started pushing my iv stand around the halls. i'm not very interested in seeing them. i believe i've never written about it until now. the more i get it out the better, but that cup of liquid manure is getting down to the dregs, and i'm ready to move on. in case you don't know me, it was meningicoccal spinal meningitis that nearly took my heart and lungs away on valentine's day 1995. but i'll always have my spine. Hence the title, an Ojibwa man told me that in Ojibwa, my saying the name of the illness sounded like his people's word for cranberry pie. it's now my term for making light of the situation.
Mood: 
Music: Enya, Micheal Bolton, Yanni, Joni Mitchell
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