11.09.2003

preamble to previous

A friend and I share a fascination with the dark alleyways and grimy corridors of adjacent large cities. I am reminded of the autobiographical account of her young life she shared with me when I shared with her my first pale attempts at fine literature. I am reminded because I would be using time more wisely in completing a paper on the safety on campus than coaxing these words back from last night's crash of this, and the previous, post.

Her account was but a few paragraphs and in a freer form than I work. I recall it being rich in sensory description and, at times, being self-cynical. The hardcopy, or e-mail (I don't remember which) is lost now. It would be nice to be able to reference it now. At the time I read it my medically-hindered comprehension skills required an explanation. There was a city train scene, where she seemed to feel she belonged, and a fruit plate convention at a cafe, where she seemed to not.

The sadder side of beauty is often only found in the observing participant. In conversation, the other party will try to direct sunlight in the form of, "You've come so far," on one's dark or prideless past. When the carefully constructed catharsis is written, the reader may not interrupt. The fact bleeds from the page that the writer's period of uncertainty wouldn't be traded for a body of the bluest blood.

The previous post is written imperitively to myself. I think it bears some similarity to my friend's autobiography in its flat truthfulness.

(previous)

Every once in a while I come here. Every once in that while Blogger loses my entire post before it reaches publication. This night is that every once in a while. I had planned (and written) a preamble to the following madness. I might be able to reproduce it to some extent, but my memory has left me with not even the title much less the crucial adjectives. It was good, but I won't paraphrase it because you would just have had to be there.

Assorted things to do today:

  • Search for the list of things to do yesterday. You will know it by its total dissimilarity to a scheduler or daily planner. Look for a small piece of notebook paper with bits of spiral-binding artifact hanging off one side. It will be contrastingly scrawled in black Pilot V5 Extra Fine Point pen. Once the list is found, try to remember the things you had meant to add to it. Don't forget to panic.
  • Choose an album from the bookcase half-filled with cds. Spend the first two tracks justifying your selection based on the state you have been put in by school, people you know, and your current neuroses. If you must leave the room, have a hard time deciding whether to stop or pause the music, or to just leave it softly playing for whomever else may wander in.
  • Take a shower. Allow the near-scalding water to run while no activity involving soap occurs until the heat is sickening and it would feel better to be out of the stall.
  • If you are sick, take pleasure in the fact that now your smokers' cough actually has something to work with.
  • Compose in your mind a letter of longing to a lover no-longer.
  • Try to remember a clever saying you thought of. Realize it is less clever in print.
  • Pass by the hordes of plain old college students and wonder how much avoidance in your young life it would have taken to achieve that kind of inobtrusiveness.
  • Come up with yet another theory about the afterlife.
  • Based on whether you have classes early or late, throw on one or two blankets respectively, and sleep it off.

10.29.2003

i've been robbed!

The fictionfiction.net mailroom has felt a surge. Our best CSRs are on the job. Here's one that got into my hands.

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by Inspector Gum-Shoe (gumshoe@expect_no_potted_meat.org) on Wednesday, October 29, 2003 at 12:15:25
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subject: My little boat is empty?

realname: Inspector Gum-Shoe

body: whatever happened to "my little boat is empty" that was such an enjoyeable site
i enjoyed downloading the childrens stories a great deal, which I read to the students in my kindergarten class.
well, i hope you at least put up some pictures of kittens instead.

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Inspector Gum-Shoe,
The site you are looking for is in retirement. Find all writings by George K. George at the graveyard. Knowing you, I wouldn't trust you to Satan's own kindergarteners.